Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
