The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
