You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
