I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
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then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
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There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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