I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
