You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
