I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize