I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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