Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize