I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
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i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
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Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
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