i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
