we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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