go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
