If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
