Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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