Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
