i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
