Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
