It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
