I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize