I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
