someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
