people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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