i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
