I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Randomize
