i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
