Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
