I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
