I'm eating all of the evidence.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
