butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
