Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
