Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
How does one acquire holy water?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
