i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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