If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!