I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My vagina is officially offended.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
