1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
