her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Boobs are out for the taking
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
