Moan for me like Helen Keller
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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