is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
