Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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