Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
