Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
