Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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