I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
