Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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