Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
