nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
