seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
