Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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