Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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