You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
