i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize
