Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
no, he came in my armpit
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
