the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
