he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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