i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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