I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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