hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Girls should come with a carfax report
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
