Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Umm I'm too high to move.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
