Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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