talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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