I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
