He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
MIDGETS
????
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
