I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize