Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
